Thursday, 1 September 2011

Hospital appointments,surgery and Baby groups


I feel so sorry for my son, we have had hospital appointments for nearly a week between my doctors and my husbands doctors. I can not believe how good Christopher is, he never gets upset in waiting rooms, he sits there with a smile on his face, babbling away and chewing his pram book. I feel sad for him at times because he just shouldn't be having to do this, it is not a life style I want for him. However I know that  because he has ill parents we have a lot of time and patience for him. We don't cram a zillion highly entertaining, high energy events into one day and so he is a calm child. We laugh and sing, read and play nearly every time he gets up.Anything we do do when we go out involves being calm and doing something simple, things like feeding ducks,going to the library or an incredibly slow walk through the park, in fact that reminds me, he got a leaf of a tree and tried to munch it, so I am going to laminate it for him, pop it in his diary.

I have to go and get my knees re replaced as I got them first done when I was 16 and they are giving up life now I am 34. I can't get them done locally as no surgeon will touch me as I am a "Specialist case". So I have to keep going to London. I get upset about this. I don't want to leave my family and travel miles away to have this operation. I worry for both my husband because he is ill and our son because he needs mummy. My hubby will say himself that I am better at socializing with our child. Daddy is a fantastic Daddy but he'll play every toy with our son and then wonder what to do next. I am trying to teach Christopher to read by using flash cards, all the books say you must be able to sustain this every day so now I have to give my husband a crash course in doing it. I don't want my husband to do it! I can only ever have one child because of the toll it took on my joints in pregnancy and the immune system attack after birth etc and anyway, I want to do it! I guess all I can do is talk to my surgeon who I have grown up with and who works around me and see what we can come up with. I might skimp and save so that for the first week I can get my husband and son into a Holiday Inn near by so I can at least spend time with them and maybe ask doctors to transfer me to our local hospital for the months of rehab I will need. It will be "basics" beans on toast for us on the run up to the surgery day!

Ok Baby groups:

 I know there are a thousand different Mother and baby groups,the concept of which, in my opinion, needs modernization. Its 2011, organisations and parents of a group, need to be encouraging fathers to come along! Society has somewhat changed and now there are many women finding themselves having to return to work as they are the higher earners within a household.  I could try taking my child out to "Bounce and Rhyme" again but I find these groups so cliche and I know now that this is nothing to do with being an ill parent but actually what many "well" women and men feel according to other parents blogs I have read. I watched a few fathers who braved "Bounce and Rhyme" sit on the floor and be completely ignored by the gaggle of women. This is downright poor, parents should have a more amenable attitude,what on earth do these people think they are teaching their child! I decided I would speak to one of the chaps there and he was really interesting, joyous about being with his child and talking of his plan of action for the day. I think he was glad someone spoke to him, I felt sorry for this chap because since my last, rather unkind, experience at this place, I voted with my feet and left the group! So groups exist and I think I might go and try one out again and I dare anyone to say anything rude to me because I may have been shot down once,now I am pre warned on Jurassic peoples ideals and I will be ready to educate!  

Bounce and Rhyme is a fantastic group ran by most libraries near you, it is easy to do as you just sit with your baby on your lap, chairs are provided so you don't need to worry that you'll turn up looking the odd one out on a chair. You sing some lovely nursery rhymes and shake a few musical toys. I would not recommend you struggle out though until your child is around 6 months. Its a waste of time, the child is not cognitively aware for your struggle to have been worth it. Christopher just wondered what the heck was going on when we went and he was 4 months old. If you have a group of dinosaurs at a particular library then like me vote with your feet and find a different library. I shall let you know how I get on!

I know that groups are not just for babies but for mummies and daddies to get to know other parents. We feel very isolated as disabled parents, sure we have great friends but non of them have children and have no idea of the work involved in parenting a child or getting our son ready to go out with them all. A midwife did suggest I went to a pre pregnancy breastfeeding group, waived a leaflet under my nose but that isn't good enough! There needs to be reassurance that you won't be made to look different because you can't sit on the floor with all the other parents, are there stairs into the building, how about parking facilities? There needs to be more selling groups to all genders and all abilities and all ages. Organizers of groups need to accommodate all without making a song and dance of making "special arrangements for the special person".

P.S when Christopher gets older, he will be attending playschool as I feel this is important for his pre school adjustment. I have my caring hat on now. Through learnt experience and listening to my sister and mother I have this to say. You have to remember in the 40s, 50s, 60s there were not all these groups for entertaining babies, there is a huge pressure that you should attend such gatherings and there are some fantastic groups out there that I expect are inclusive of all parents, I've just yet to find one. My friends parents and my mother never took us to anything but Playschool and we are all very good socially and academically, so don't feel the pressure! My sister took her son to EVERYTHING, she ended up absolutely exhausted,no energy to do anything that needed doing at home and her son got very little out of going,in fact he became difficult to entertain at home because he needed a higher level of provided fun than his mum could provide. I recently asked her what groups would she join with her next child? She quickly replied "NONE!",this was a pretty clear message and it has helped me feel confident in the choices I have made so far. 

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