Things you smugly believe about child rearing before having kids!

 

I know I know, if you are sat reading this and are pregnant with your first child, I don't mean to join in with the misery crowd who say it will be life changing and you have no idea what is coming your way but errrr you don't. Make the most of the quiet before the storm!

 

Husband and I at a Halloween event. Prior to parenthood.

My top ten naive thoughts prior to being a parent

 

1. People who struggle to go out with a baby and get somewhere on time are disorganised, after all it is just a matter of just slinging a nappy, wipes and some milk for a baby, in a bag!

 

My trusty Canine Partner who has seen so many stages of my life, with my lovely husband, pre parenthood.

2. I will still be the same person I was before having my child, my child will not mean I loose me, we can still go anywhere to visit friends,go on holiday anywhere etc.

 

A friend of mine and me on holiday in Holland prior to parenthood although I was pregnant then!

3.Parents who don't try to look presentable are just lazy, there is always time in a day to do make up and dress well.

Husband and I at another party we held pre parenthood.

 

4.There is no reason for a house to be messy and in caious as when the child is asleep you can do the housework.

 

5.My child will not be difficult at meal times because I will only allow him to have healthy foods right from weaning and he will therefore love grapes,apples, asparagus,beat root and find delight in eating a carrot!

Me,husband and some great mates in Holland, I was pregnant then.

 

6. I will be able to go shopping with my child without any difficulties.

Guitar hero to 3am in the morning with a uni friend. Still awake so must have been prior to being a mummy.

 

 

7. My child will not play up as both husband and I will always be on the same page and lay down the same boundaries.

Husband and I on Holliday with some friends, great if soaking wet times.

 

8.My child will always be dressed smartly, no excuses, no matter how lengthy, painful or difficult the dressing a child task is there is no excuse for a child to be any thing less than immaculate and dressed to impress.

 

More friends and I after Halloween event but they had all taken outfits on, heck I threw caution to the wind those days and didn't care :D

9.I will refuse to buy into the idea of purchasing a vast volume of toys, baby equipment and clothes. No child needs more than seven outfits per season, value nappies will be as good as top brands, lots of toys are pointless and brought by parents who would rather make a purchase than give a child time.

Me looking like I have had loads of sleep, ahhh sleep, obviously before I became a parent.

 

10.My child will have a routine and it will be kept to to the second as a good routine makes for a calm child.

Even Yasmin looks like she got more sleep pre parenthood/super nanny days!

 

My answers to these smug statements now I have a child can really all be summed up simply.....

Oh you just wait and see!

My detailed responses would be:

Our son arrived, old breast feeding clothes thrown on, we have had no sleep but happy.

1. For some reason getting out to meet someone at a particular time always seems to fall at a time when your child wants a sleep and is grouchy, you couldn't get him to go to sleep a little earlier than usual so he would be in a good mood for going out and now he is kicking off and wanting a nap and refusing to help with proceedings. We pack everything for a day and still there is something missing or more of something required and we just don't have the ability to carry a baby suitcase !

My son, one week old with his Snowman that he loves now, brought by blurry eyed daddy when stood trying to remember shopping list in Tescos!

 

2. You will never be the same person again,when your child is crying with exhaustion and a friend just wants to chat,your child hasn't been changed for a while or needs to go to bed at set times etc, you invariably will never be the laid back, all the time in the world friend you used to be.

 

A new little man in our lives, hair errr combed at speed of light, roots massively obvious, no time to put make up on but am feeling so proud! Proud we have made a healthy little boy but also proud I can hold him like a normal mummy.

3. I haven't combed my hair today, nor have I got knickers on! Ok I am out of action in terms health and can not reach knicker drawer or comb but even when not recovering from surgery, I still struggle to find time to comb hair so make up goes out the window! Although the rise of BB cream at least makes making my face look fresh.

Make up totally abandoned now !

 

4. When you have been trying to keep up with a very busy child,doing parenting tasks with restricted movement and pain, you use twice as much energy on the smallest of tasks. Cooking meals, cleaning after meals and cleaning the child, changing childs clothes twice a day,entertaining your son, going to hospital appointments with a small person in toe not enjoying appointments etc. By the time it gets to little ones bedtime you are exhausted and ready for bed. You do not feel like doing a load of housework, a quick piling toys into a small mountain in the living room, wipe down of surfaces and there endeth the day.

My sister smiling at camera, with my nephew who was a colic baby, she tried to warn me about parenthood, I thought oh yeah yeah big sis, I take my smugness back now big sis ;)

 

5. When weaning our son he was given fruit organic pots with baby rice, vegetable meals, fromage fraise, home made spaghetti bolognaise blitzed.In the first few months he ate every thing and any thing. He loved banana, strawberries, every vegetable except sprouts and then suddenly decided he didn't like the texture of banana and would throw it on the floor, hated carrots although enjoyed them earlier on, turns his nose up at toast despite having enjoyed it once. Suddenly, almost over night became a bit choosy ! Every parent sets out to give their child only healthy food, what kind of parent doesn't care about what their child is eating but the reality is more often than not you can sit and demand your child eats something, give them nothing else because some children develop very strong wills and will go for days with almost nothing in their stomachs and become listless. Let's face it any child of my husbands and I was going to have strong will, it is our sheer determination to keep moving through pain that has kept us from being totally wheelchair bound in our lives. If one meal was not up to the little princes standard there will be guaranteed hell to pay for at least four subsequent meals even though he hasn't tried them!

 

6. Shopping with children is hell. I have no more to say on the matter, if you can have more than a second to look at nail varnish then I am waiting to hear how?

 

7.I have a good husband and usually we are on the same page but occasionally he will do something that is different to what I would deem acceptable. He likes dressing our son in almost thread bare but easy baby vest because we are not going anywhere ,where as I would like our son to try and keep up appearances and at least wear elasticised waist trousers and t shirt just in case.

Ahh we took our son to meet some friends at a local restaurant. First trip out, pandemonium but we got there and was lovely to be with friends.

 

8. I honestly used to think my son would be mostly in dungerees,matching vest with socks on his feet. More often than not we buy dungarees sets with matching vests and then the vests don't end up with dungarees due to tricky poppers,so easy worn vest goes on, socks due to parents difficulty putting them on and sons ease to remove them, they are abandoned.In winter my son is in a snug fleece zip suit during the day because it is easy to dress him in quickly.

Meeting some of our good friends. First time we managed to get our son out.

A great mate with my lovely boy.

 

9. Get ready to purchase, I am careful with this but in times when going out is not an option you need things to entertain a child with, even if you are playing with him or her you need something to play with! Books are great and free from the library but like it or not children love toys and there comes a time where you have to accept you will need to buy them including that plastic junk you swore you wouldn't buy prior to having a child because the plastic junk is what seems to entertain them for hours compared to a brio train set!

One of a fair number of what I deem plastic junk toys, keeps Mr mischief out of mischief, I am referring to the husband there, gives him something to do with our son hehehe.

 

10. Our child has a routine but our life doesn't, hospital appointments out of county means he has to travel with us and traffic means we don't always get home in time for his usual bedtime. When a child reaches 6 months your baby will not sleep when you are out and about and as a result will have their entire routine thrown out the next day which causes a little tension!

My final response to new parents to be would be:

No one could have told me how lovely it is to be a parent and how every day feels like Christmas day where you feel excited to see their smiling face the next morning no matter what the day before was like. No one could have told me how putting my child first would become the most important aspect of my life. No one could have told me that I wouldn't care about career progression,what money we have, what possessions we have, as long as our child is happy and ultimately has a good life with choices that I have not had in my childhood opened to me. When Mark and I are old codgers I hope he will be proud of us and know all our choices from the moment he was born were for the best life for him x

No make up at all not even combed hair but my husband and son have given me the most confidence I have ever had in my whole life, a reason to always keep going, learning to walk after ever surgery again, they have given me the most joy ever, ok life is busier, sometimes harder, more draining and not carefree at all but is definitely the happiest

 

 

 

 






 

 

 

 

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Dogs, baby,husbands and life. AKA "feelings"

I am a woman who is trying to help drag the UK into 2012 by giving practical advice to help new disabled parents source accessible high street baby and child equipment and discuss methods of carrying out parenting tasks from nappy changing to bathing a baby.However as I am a disabled parent every now and then it feels important to air my experiences or feelings, it is ok to have sad feelings, annoyed feelings, be exhausted, feel it all gets a bit much, these feelings are what makes us normal and what every parent, able or otherwise feel.

I have spent six weeks and counting almost entirely house bound.I have also spent six weeks very separate to my son which is the worst pain I have endured with my illness. I can cope with a lot of actual physical pain,that requires getting a grip, taking painkillers and applying clever thought in order to cope with an "on strike" limb. I can endure being house bound,done it as a child, why not as an adult, but being unable to open my sons cot after his nap and watch him hold his arms out to me and all I can do is stand by the cot giving little man a kiss on his forehead whilst we both wait for daddy to come and help, that hurts.I can not cook for my family right now as I can not stretch to reach the microwave or oven hob. I can't make any one drinks.Usually I have ways of doing things but I am out off action at the moment whilst my body is in lock down. Not being able to help care for my son when I love doing parent things is tricky. Women do things differently to men.My lovely husband has tried hard to care for me and our son ,despite his severe pain that left him shuffling like an old man, he has just got on and kept going.Equally for the past few weeks I find Christopher sporting an old baby vest and a budget nappy and that's it.

My husbands hands are getting worse ,which is cruel being that he is a graphic artist, so he favours old vests because the poppers are so worked he can dress our son easily and given that he is practically a single parent at the monent I do not blame him for keeping his tasks simple.However when I am in charge I always find smart clothing for our son to wear for the day and as any reader will know by now, I don't buy inaccessible clothes, he has elastic waist shorts, envelope opening t shirts, all easy dress clothes but still the trusty vest is utilised.

Son almost dressed!

I have chucked medical advice out the window, doctors asking me to hardly move my leg due to precarious replacement is just stupid when I have a small child and a mothers heart! The doctors would have been kinder to have kept me in hospital so I didn't have to hear my son cry for me yet not be able to reach him! So with my canine partners help, I get back on that floor , move my blooming leg and at least sit with my son who now understands once I am on said floor I can not move and so he brings his toys to me, or passes them to my dog to take to me if the distance is too long to crawl. These moments in the day, no matter how my ankle pulses hot shooting pain through me at night, how much morphine I take to combat pain or how many times I vomit due to high morphine doses, these moments of time and happiness with my son are worth every thing to me.

Yasmin helping me onto the floor

Finally it is difficult at the moment because I seem to find myself amongst pregnant people. I am very much looking forward to people I know having babies as will be playmates for Christopher. However there is sadness in me too, I feel sorry for my son that he will never have a sibling. I and my husband can not risk all that having another child will entail on our joints. We would probably never leave hospital as we both already have damaged joints requiring yet more surgery which we both keep putting off for the sakes of Christopher. i would dread to think what would happen if another child was on the scene. This fills me with sadness, not for myself but purely for Christopher and so I thank god for my Canine Partner dog Yasmin who although is getting old is being a great happiness and company to our little man. He squeals with delight as Yasmin my dog goes and gets us a book to read and brings it to him on my lap. He loves it when she rolls around on the floor and laughs his head of which makes her do it even more this mischevious pair! He brings his toys to her for her to play with and she brings me books to read to him.

Thank god ,despite being very young when I got Juvenile arthritis/ Stills disease,all those toxic chemo meds both myself and my husband have taken over the years, we have managed to have a healthy, happy little boy. For that I am so so grateful and will not allow myself to be so selfish or complacent about what I have as I know there are couples out there who can not have children.


Thank god for Canine Partners, we have a well trained and patient lab who stays still whilst cars are being lined up along her furry back. "Canine Partners" is not just about a helper dog but about being a friend during more isolating times.

To find out more about Canine Partners, a Charity that helps disabled people's lives directly, please go to Canine Partners website

August is also Stills disease awareness month, Stills is another name for Juvenile Chronic Arthritis. Over 12000 children are diagnosed with a form of arthritis in the UK today and is the second most common illness a child can suffer with in Britain, childhood diabetes being the first. This illness is an immune system faulty programming that attacks the whole body, eats joints over night and leaves young children with dangerously high temperature, rashes and swollen lymph glands and ravaged joints requiring years of surgery to patch up the body over a lifetime. If you are interested in learning more please go to the Stills R Us website

Thanks to whoever is reading this, sometimes you just need to talk x

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The ginormous boot and Bakin Boys cakes

It sounds like I am about to narrate a new Rohld Dall book to you but sadly no, I have different tale to tell!

I am small, it is no big secret, I am small every where and I stand at a whole four foot nine!

I went to Southmead to have current plaster on my left foot removed, I felt quite excited as there was a chance I would be told I could try weight bearing. The nurses then produced a monster steel boot and told me I could try to put my weight through my new ankle if I wore this contraption.I looked like the terminator and the heel on the thing was almost as tall as an ABBA platform boot! It is ginormous, huge straps going all the way up the leg with an odd bicycle pump provided with it to inflate a huge side impact air cushion. I felt a cross between a 1970s Volvo and a glam rocker in it. I tried to move my leg once it was fitted and couldn't, it was that heavy! Finally my mother managed to sit me up to get off the hospital plinth and I tried to stand and I have never felt so tall stood on this mega shoe but meanwhile my other good leg was left suspended, dangling in the air!!! Hmmm not that practical, we got out off the room, monster boot firmly on and once reached the car park I said "mum this is bonkers I can't do rehab in this, I can't even move my leg to try and get my muscles fired again", we did a 360 degree turn and headed back to clinic. I have been now given a ridiculously tiny Velcro and strap material foot splint and was told I am not allowed to weight bear in this but can at least remove splint to shower and exercise, so no forward, still many more weeks of not going any where and foot out of order still,however at least can shave my yeti leg and can enjoy a shower without adorning a charity bag on my leg to protect a cast from water.

Got home to my son who is causing some concern. He is totally up with reading words, speaks a lot, studies all his toys, loves to be around friends and family but will he walk, no he will not and he is now 19 months I realise. He will stand up against a sofa, hold onto sofa and coast along but he will not walk be it holding my mothers hands or a toddle truck. I know he will probably do it in his own time but in the meantime my husbands and my joints are being destroyed rapidly trying to lift him around. We don't know how else to encourage him to get verticle. Today he was rolling on the floor with the dog, dog stood up after quite a few "roll overs" and there ended the mimicking her!

We are also having a clingy phase at the moment, he hates not having us near by and decided to be up crying till 1am yesterday night/morning. So yeah I have to be honest, child rearing is not always a total joy joy joy and breeze, do not be fooled by any parent who says parenthood is one big fun time and easy, every day brings joys but also a heck of a lot of frustration, exhaustion and pain in arthritic parents cases.

Mr clingy finally asleep, husband trying to get his art work out to the masses and here I am blogging again, well I hate not doing any thing useful and am not here to just whine to any one living. I have to tell any reader about this amazing website, nothing to do with being creaky,bendy or wobbly, purely to do with bargain hunting and all helps every parents money stretch further but goes back to what I was saying about budgeting as a disabled parent. The site is:

Approved food this is a food shop that saves you 80% on all sorts from biscuits to chocolate to dishwasher tablets, to cooking sauces and baby products.

Basically as the guy on the "Approved food " video clip says "it's about more food in your cupboard, more money in your purse". 


As an example we got 48 Bakin Boys cupcakes for £2 so watch put friends and family, when you have a cup of tea here you will be expected to eat one of these cakes, that or the giant boot ,the hospital still made me take back with me just in-case I grow an extra foot over night for it to work, might require feeding, it looks to big to be inanimate, a picture will be on display tomorrow, too tired tonight to photograph the beast in the corner of the room. 


Good night all x

Budgeting as a disabled parent.

                                                          

No one is immune from the difficult times we are all in as a nation, well perhaps the CEOs of banks, Dave Cams millionaire mates and the professional footballers, they seem to be doing fine. The normal folk are pulling in their purses.

When every one feels poor every one looks for a scale goat,the disabled seem to be one of those targets but these times will flow on and good times will be abound once more for every one but disabled people will still be left with no choice but to budget hard. This is the reality of disability, our DLA, which is a benefit received whether working or not,is there to purchase equipment needed to be as independent. For any able bodied parents ,baby equipment doesn't come cheap but imagine if you can only physically manage to work one out of hundreds of high chairs available in the high street baby stores, you can bet it will be the most expensive model! So rather than moaning about annoying expenses,why are the accessible models of car seats,high chairs etc the most expensive, we have to accept that is just how it is and allocate DLA to the need, after all this is why the government part with DLA, to cover extra expenses due to disability. I am sure my well friend ,due to have her baby in the next year ,would love the Maxi Cosi Axis car seat (£300) that swivels on its base to face the car door because it makes every parents life easier but it is the most expensive model on the market at the moment and why spend that when you can manage with a cheaper model? To disabled parents this seat is possibly the only option for being able to get a child out independently.

So we budget to allow for such costly purchases, we never know what physical need will be next up but I will surely be searching the shops for reigns in no time. Oddly enough, my possible solution to the child running off issue came from a John Lewis sales person in combination with advice from the "special need parent" section of Mumsnet. The suggestion being a dog lead!!! I kid you not!! A dog lead (no not for child to wear) and a "Scuttle Bug" plastic, fold up, lightweight trike for a toddler that  folds down to fit in a shopping bag. This will be in a future blog and all will be explained and probably re thought when my son actually walks!



The trike costs £30 ,the dog lead costs £8. More about how this will work in a near future blog, trust me this will not be something my well peer will require,she may love the scatter bug but again it isn't a need to manage a physical difficulty.

My friend will be able to use normal reigns, if I used reigns I would dislocate my elbow trying to restrain my child.

As part of budgeting,we sold some large baby items ,that my son no longer needed, on Preloved. We sold baby monitors, a baby bath seat that swivelled any way making washing baby hair easier or getting to child's back etc, a baby activity gym and the amazing and vital bit of disabled parent kit THE BUMBO. All in all we didn't do badly and it allowed us to buy our son a lightweight easy unfoldable buggy that I could actually work completely on my own and the left over money went towards the car seat!

Preloved in my experience is easier for selling on items for disabled parents that eBay. With Preloved there is no commission taken from sales and you can specify pick uponly and advertise specifically in your area or spread your net further if you are prepared to ship.I can not get to the Post office easily so all my sales were based locally and people came to pick up item in person. 


I recommend the book "How to have a baby on eBay" , a must for any parent who wants to purchase designer or lovely baby items that would cost a fortune new, on eBay for a fraction of the price and hardly used! We got our sons activity gym, brand new ,for five pounds,in the high street it would have cost thirty pounds, a new with tags John Lewis baby boy cord dungarees and striped jumper that were the latest range being sold on eBay for half the price.Baby's clothes wash badly and shrink so you are often lucky to get two wears out of any outfit plus your baby grows rapidly.I have always brought my son the age range of clothes above his actual age to allow for shrinkage of clothes in the wash. Next clothes wash well in my opinion ,as do Tescos and when I buy new outfits these are the shops I visit. 


Join every baby club going for vouchers and money off clothes,nappies,milk:

Tesco baby and toddler club

Sainsbury's little ones club


Asda baby and toddler club

Aptaclub Aptamil baby milk

Boots Parenting Club

Pampers Village

Huggies club

Bounty mother and baby cub


For free samples of all baby related items from the following websites, well worth your time looking through and applying for freebies.


Baby samples
Baby free stuff


Cow and gate where you can get a cuddly free cow.



 Freebieholics loads of free samples for men and women and child



Hipp join the club for vouchers off baby food.

Latest free stuff

Latest stuff free my favourite free place for all the family, I have had make up, chocolate,moisturisers,cereal bars and nappies and loads more from here.

ABSOLUTE MUST VISIT FOR UK PARENTS AND RECOMMENDED BY WHICH MAGAZINE AND MONEYSAVINGEXPERT:

APPROVED FOOD amazing groceries deals on food and drink at 80% cheaper.

I did what every mother does and brought pointless items, a baby cot mobile, why oh why!!! I couldn't reach it to turn the wind up wheel, he was interested in it for four weeks but would have equally enjoyed a few sparkly mirror disks hang over his cot which would have cost me three pounds from Hobbycraft as opposed to £20 for a mobile. 


 We did the nursery/ his room up in plain white walls so as to not get into expensive or painful re decorating when he starts to enjoy Ben 10! I brought ,from ebay, decal purple and lime green spots to stick on one wall. We got a huge IKEA wardrobe with drawers and shelves in it and chose cheapest white doors for the front and stuck more decal spots all over it. We had an old 60s wooden kitchen shelved unit which we painted white and put some bright colour toys on display. We have to have a normal bed in his room as our changing space and a place to play and read to our son. Fortunately my old single bed from my parents house was available but this is a needed piece of equipment for most physically disabled parents so this is an extra need due to your disability. 


My best budgeting advice is use the local library.All babies love cuddles and being read to. Librarys  stock all baby and toddler books from touch and feel books to black and white pattern baby first books through to my sons top reads, "Penguin" by Polly Dunbar to "Pants" by Nick Sharatt. Best all it is all free as is the library parent and child music and rhyme groups, come to think of it our library offers one of the few accessible baby groups in Gloucestershire!


Every one is struggling at the moment, really this blog is applicable to every parent at the moment and I hope it helps some because if I had found a blog page like this I would have found it useful. Most of it is obvious stuff I know but finding those baby clubs is not as easy as you would think, my son is 17 months and in writing this blog I realise how few clubs we knew about and will see if he is still young enough to sign up to some I have mentioned. 

"Get by with a little help from my friends"

Me on floor with orange plaster and pink tubi grip sock thingy,don't know what it is called, dog who helps me on floor looking a little terminator ish and friend (who has EDS) on sofa.

The UK is a great place, I love it for the most part but there is a waive or nastiness materialising in this divide and rule government we currently have in power. The UK is becoming a place where the wealthy and rich Cheif execs of financial institutions have their criminal  activities covered up and glossed over whilst the disabled,the poor, the elderly, the minority groups, the single parents, the NHS workers, teachers, public sector staff are hated and feel the wrath of many thanks to poor journalism written in a state where freedom of speech is slowly dwindling and you find this governments ideals popping up every where from tabloids to our television soaps where disabled people are seen as fraudulent,single parents portrayed as gold diggers and any one over 60 seen as a liability to our generation.

There is a feeling of being seen as a scrounger if you are disabled, whatever your circumstance, whether you work or not, are clearly very ill or having a moment in time where you can at least pretend to look well despite having to take high doses of morphine in order to put on a good show, the same morphine that makes you throw up at night etc. However among the din of general anger there are some great people out there and there is amazing support.

They say when times are bad you know who your friends are, this is true.

We are lucky enough to have a few marvelous friends out there, not forgetting my ever supportive parents and one soppy dog.  I publicly thank them for brightening my husbands and my time as life has been very difficult for us and our son recently. We have been in what I can only describe as total lock down. I am totally wheelchair bound, need help night and day,I always need help but my husband barely gets a moment to himself nowadays.I can't  get to the loo on my own, cant dress myself at all, cant get to my hair brush,can not access my pants drawer or my wardrobe, I can't drive anywhere and yet have tons of out of county medical treatment so the only time all of us venture out is to go to hospital appointments with my parents help.

We are desperate to use our minds, we have good skills and intelligent thought so we spend lots of time playing with our son, teaching him English and French, playing with water and seeing what floats and sinks, playing with different textures with him, soft cotton wool, hard ruler etc. When our little man is asleep my husband and I find time to chat with one another and try desperately to come up with ideas we could set up from home be it a social network group, a support group an art portfolio, we both say whatever we can to one another to keep each other upbeat. It gets difficult because we have no where to go, we can not get out, we have no change of scene, prisoners live better than we do at times and all we can do is support one another to persevere in our hobbies ,be it this blog or my husbands art work,, in the hopes one day someone will see us and by miracles of miracles we might get recognised and given work that we can do at home, an office is not do able, I need help with every practical event of my day, my husband can niether drive due to his pain nor walk far, I can not drive at all due to being in plaster and non weight bearing for several months which is the same year in, year out as I have had major surgery every year of my life since I was eight years old, in fact the only time I didn't have joint related surgery was the year I had a C section to give birth to my son!

My lovely Canine Partner doggy, Yasmin  and darling son enjoying the garden and sharing their thoughts of the day.

So if it wasn't for friends family and canine partner, life would have been appalling.However most of all my son would have had a very quiet time. Having people come over and chat to Christopher, making him smile and have a change of face has been wonderful. We had two friends over who cooked a home made meal for us which was total heaven, we have been living on basic microwave meals as my husband is so exhausted at the end of the day, he is bent over in pain, so this was lovely. One of my chums comes over and  makes my husband and I laugh a lot, he is a total kid and great fun and there when we all need him.Another came over before this weekend to help make decorations for a gathering we had at the weekend,she brought over some lovely books for Christopher.Someone came over to do my nails and we chatted all things girly. Mark and I met a new friend who is a lovely girl, kind, but best of all an artist which is great for my husband as I can only give so much encouragement about his art!

Friends and family make disabled people's lives worth living,especially when times are very difficult but very much make the difference when you worry for your child that your illness is making his or her life hard.I don't want that for our son, I desperately want him to know that however mummy and daddy are we can still be a worth while friend too and that he doesn't have to deal with our bad times, we have adult supporting people who are there for us and he has no need to feel responsible for our present or future lives, we manage, we cope and we are strong and we do indeed at times "get by with a little help from our friends".

Mr Funny and Lady Arty

Ingredients for a 6-18 month old baby

Every parent will tell a new mother that babyhood gets easier in some ways after 6 months and yet worse in others. It certainly gets tougher for a disabled parent as the child gets heavier it becomes more tricky to lift baby around, much more planning goes into this game of parenting after 6 months as whilst some tasks get easier others get quite tricky but with the right equipment no problem is unresolvable.

By six months your baby may be sitting on their own, may be crawling or may need pillows around them to sit up, may only be lying on tummy and going no where, if your child is going nowhere enjoy the peace while you can and do not wish they would hurry up and develope!

Here are some simple ideas for the disabled parent with a six month old and beyond. Also I throw in a big dose of confidence your way because you can do it!

1.Problems sitting on the floor?. You need to get creative, I am fortunate enough to be able to get a bed right up against a wall in the corner of his room so two sides of the bed are blocked. I then sit my son in the middle of the bed and I sit along exposed side of the bed legs out in front of me so the only side of bed exposed is the end of the bed which I watch. The bed is our floor, we play with tea sets, read books even put waterproof cover over bed,bowl of water and play with water.

2.Trying to get on floor. I have no strength in my legs and little in my arms. I also have pain and damage in all limbs. I find a room with a sofa or bed. I close the door to the room as my son crawls at speed of light. I remove objects I don't want him touching prior to getting on floor. Then I placed the Bumbo seat on the sofa or bed making sure the seat is right at the back of the sofa or in the middle of a bed. Then I sit beside my son,pull him out of the bumbo, still sitting I grab him with my forearms under his armpits and lower him to the floor, then I slide of the sofa or bed. Getting up is another story, check out my "I got on the floor" blog post.

My son in his Bumbo.

3. Encouraging your child to develop sitting muscles and leg muscles. Use the Bumbo as this definately encouraged my sons muscles and he quickly managed to sit on his own. For developing leg muscles, for enabling your child to be at a height to play with and to even feed child from a baby walker is a great idea, even my Health Visitor said in my case a walker would be good. Walkers are funny things, sometimes they put a child in a silly superman position, sometimes they are tricky for a disabled parent to lift child in and out of, we tried three of these darn things and a lot of money was wasted until we found :

The Babylo buzzy bee walker from Babies R Us £29.99

This was a fantastic buy and an essential piece of kit for any disabled parent, we had the toys on for a while until he got bored and then we used his tray to play cars with him, to do a puzzle on, to read to,to feed him in but mostly to encourage leg muscle strength as we struggle to hold him in a walking position. Easy to get child in and out of as the seat leg holes stay open, the seat is firm and baby at good height to grab under arm pits.

4. Time for a mega easy buggy- The only way I was totally independent was when my son reached 7 months and I was able to get a Babystart Buggy from Argos which literally kicks out and folds up with another kick, swivel wheels and very light weight.

Babystart buggy with canopy from Argos

5. Also time for an accessible car seat! I will keep this point simple, a Maxi Cosi Axiss is a must if you have restricted movement. Check out the link for the Maxi Cosi Axiss demo video .

6. Don't feel you have to safety every thing in your lounge if you will struggle to manage the safety devices, get child a playpen for your lounge or family space instead. Your child can crawl in their bedroom and you can safety kit that out. You will need an accessible playpen, one you can walk into.

Lindam Safe metal playpen

7.Safety gates. My son is not at an age where he is trying to tackle stairs so we do not have a stair gate, instead we put a safety gate across his bedroom doorway and leave the door open so he can see us. When using a wheelchair and with rubbish dexterity, we needed a gate with no bar at the bottom, called a "no trip" gate. We find BabyDan has the easiest opening mechanisim, isn't spring loaded making the gate difficult to push open and has no bar on the bottom. With the downstairs we either have our son in the playpen when out the room or we shut all doors to kitchen, dining room and keep an eye on him in the hallway so we have no need to gate down stairs at the moment, however he will get exploritory with stairs and the playpen will be a useful gate as it opens up to form a gate for awkward stair cases or for stairways needing a stair lift.

BabyDan No trip gate

8.Bathing malarkey! We contacted Adult Social Services when Christopher got to 5 months old, an OT came out and ordered us a slatted bath board, we put this across the bath, we place a baby bath ,with an easy rubber plug, on top of board. We use a jug which is a bit arduous, to fill up bath with warm water, we use no bubble bath as this makes for a slippy child and very dangerous to try and lift out. The only way bathing is safe is if there is two of you if you have poor arm strength, one needs to hold baby in sitting position in bath whilst other washes hair and body. Then one needs to lift baby to other parent sat on toilet with a towel or on a chair very close to bath. Baby sat on this parents lap, dried and left in towel to be carried to a bed to finish changing. We only give our son a proper bath once a week, any more is ridiculous and not required at this age. For the rest of the time we do a bed bath, see ingredients for 0-6 months old. 

Otherwise that is about it, my son now is weaned, so we no longer need sterilizing kit.

We still have lots of fun but now it is even more rewarding as he is laughing, picking up new words seconds after I have spoken them, enjoys reading more and more and loves to see new things. It is more exhausting in some ways from the earlier stages as he is up most of the day and wants to be more on the go. Which requires me watching him all the time, trying to follow him, trying to find new things to do with him that I can actually do. However, above all he is happy and loving life so I guess I am doing something right :o)

Ingredients for child 0-6 months old.

Ahh you thought I was going to launch into some mummy chat about food or weaning didn't you?!

I am going to outline tools of the trade every parent with physical disabilities need for the first six months of your little ones life. I shall follow with the next six months on in a later blog.

1.Difficulty with poppers?get quality second hand baby vests where poppers have been worked by others so are so much easier to do and undo.

Mothercare velcro baby  grows  upto newborn size. 

2.Velcro baby vests- available at Mothercare in their premature section both online and in shops.


3.Baby zip suits for daywear ease of dressing. These are a godsend for those with difficulty in doing up diddly buttons or poppers on baby clothes, great for daywear. Fleece zip suits often found in nightwear area in supermarkets or Next,Mothercare during colder months. Lightweight cotton baby grow zip suits are available from www.zippysuit.com

Zippy suit in cotton light weight material, ideal for spring.

4. Difficulty carrying baby upstairs to bed? A carry cot for the lounge that comes with a stand is a solution,they are available in many high street shops, if your child is like ours they will hate the openness of the cot and prefer sleeping in the carry cot for several months anyway.Would look on ebay for one or preloved as carry cots are expensive.


5.Difficulty bathing baby? An ice cream tub cleaned out and empty with lid and a j cloth,changing matt on a bed and giving baby a bed bath on mat.The lid goes on top of ice cream tub if walking the tub to bedroom as some of us creaky parents rock a bit when walking and the lid stops it slopping everywhere! Make sure your towel and baby clothes are beside the mat. You can simply bed bath baby. NEVER LEAVE BABY ON BED OR COT BASE NOT EVEN FOR A MIN SO HAVE ALL YOU NEED RIGHT BY YOU ON THE BED!!NEVER USE BABY WASH DESCRIBED AS CREAMY AS MAKES BABY HARDER FOR THOSE WITH LIMITED STRENGTH IN HANDS, TO GET HOLD OF BABY SAFELY.

6.Highchairs tricky,baby needs to learn to sit? Then bring on the "Bumbo" seat from any baby store or online departmental store. This seat is a godsend for feeding baby at your height without needing to fuss with sitting baby in high chairs you can't work, the seat holds them in with no straps, we put our son in this when he was five months old , pushed the seat right to the back of our sofa, here I could feed him, we never left him alone though!!The seat encourages their sitting muscles as well without hurting your arms to try encourage baby to sit. again these seats are expensive so I got mine from ebay for £13.00.

Bumbo seat, available from Amazon,Mothercare and Argos.

7.Need an accessible cot? Then you need a cheap cot that starts of working for you as well as a non adapted cot can eg. don't buy a cot bed if the base isn't adjustable at all,look in Mothercare for a cheap cot with a fairly high base. Then call

8.REMAP, a disabled parents greatest group of people, a charity run organisation of engineers who will adapt any item of equipment you own to suit your needs, within reason and they adapted our cot. google them, there is a REMAP nationwide and call them before baby is born to sort equipment out if you can.

http://www.remap.org.uk/

9.Car seats difficult? I can honestly say we tried nearly every seat and they are awful in design for any parent even ones with a bad back or who have had c sections let alone disabled parents! Go to the Baby show at the NEC or Earls Court to try them out, failing that try in Mothercare and good luck finding one you can manage but the law says you need one and obviously you do so at least do your partners, parents or friends a favour and get a simple one to put baby in even if you can't do it! When The Carkoon comes out, see earlier blog, you might be in luck with this being an accessible first born seat. Now my son is over nine months old, he has a Maxi Cosi Axis seat which is a fantastic design as the whole baby seat twists on an axis to face the car door making for an easier life for disabled non flexible parents!

Carkoon car seat a possible choice for an accessible newborn baby, a seat that twists on its axis. 

10.Need a lightweight,easy fold buggy? Less is more, the more gadgets it has the heavier and more difficult it will be to fold and unfold, keep it as simple as possible and go try some out, I recommend Babies R Us as a good place to start, I hate John Lewis, their staff consistently have ignored me whenever I have gone there and stupidly so too as I am happy to spend top dollar on a buggy if it means I can actually open the darn thing gracefully and lift it, the only healthy parents who will get the best are people with more money than sense!

Swift stroller one of the easier baby buggies for newborns,light weight and reasonably easy to fold.

11.Breast feeding hard on arms? A V pillow for lying baby on to breast feed, the pillow sits around you, you can pull it around you easily with one hand or mouth,put baby on top and lean down slightly to bring nipple to babys mouth. V pillow also great for cuddling baby on your bed, if you can not hold baby in arms for ages, lie baby on side, you facing baby on side and put v pillow down back of baby to support him.

12. Sterilizing bottles difficult? If you have limited upper arm strength or pain in joints then stay away from sterilizing pods! You will not be able to lift them anywhere when filled with water which is how they all work. Instead find a bucket with a lid on Amazon which has a good wide handle which you can hold on your forearm which will bide you a little more ease in moving bucket to tap and back to worktop. You will need Milton tablets as the packaging for Milton bottles is awful for trying to open with poor dexterity. Simply drop a table into the bucket,fill with cold water,wash your bottles in the sink then pop in bucket and place lid on top to ensure the bottles are submerged. The bucket method is a really cheap and effective way of sterilizing.

Kampa Bucket with good rubber handle

13. Are you hard of hearing or deaf? "The nightingale vibrating alarm" which works with the "Tomy Classic" baby alarm range, the classic will light up when baby cries which is fine for when you are awake but obviously at night you will need some extra equipment. The Nightingale is available from Connevans limited online. However if you are not deaf then don't bother with baby alarms unless you live in a mansion, a waste of time, trust me when I say this, your baby will be heard!!!!

Apart from nappies,Tescos own brand (not value ones) are great for easy of putting on,taking off,get lots of baby rag books or board books with bright simple pictures,rattles,mirrors,you are good to go!

Be confident, there is nothing you can't find a solution for, it may not be my way but you will work it out. All this thinking is what will make you a thoughtful, kind parent. Don't feel if you were well you would be doing a better job, not true, our well counterparts all say they found it difficult and in fact because you won't be able to get out much due to rubbish car seat designs out there, you are more likely to have a clam baby who enjoys reading with your and kindly gentle activities.

Enjoy it, it is the best thing in my entire life having my son, oh not forgetting marrying my husband but he doesn't laugh when I say banana or "Smiley teddy bear" like our son does! :)